“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” ~C. JoyBell C
So, you know that feeling that you get when something is about to happen? Like when you want to do one thing, but your gut tells you to do something else and for what ever reason, you don’t follow your gut and BAM! SHIT HAPPENS!!!! Well, that was my Saturday morning. Everything was telling me to go for a run. I even had on my running shoes, but the hubby and I had to be at our tax appointment soon, so I decided to make the most out of the time I had and opted for a HIIT workout. So I changed into my new minimal lifting shoes and headed to the studio. Right before the workout I even thought about taking the dogs for a walk and running later. But nope – I started my workout. Everything was hunky-dunky until it wasn’t anymore. All I remember was coming down from a jump squat and feeling a bunch of crunching. I instantly went down. I sat there for a moment trying to figure out what had happened, shook it off and went right back into the workout. My foot hurt, but I’m a tough girl so I decided to keep going. After a few more minutes, my foot got really tight and hot and I decided to take a look-see. There was a huge lump, so I called my hubby in to get his opinion. The first thing he did was poke my foot and say “That hurt?” And when I screamed in his face he said “What the hell is wrong with you?” Between the tears and the giggling, I thought I would rather be safe than sorry so we went to the ER. An hour in the ER and a tax appointment later, I was home with a broken foot (no boot or cast), crutches and a knee scooter.
The Good, The Bad, The UGLY – but not in that order
The second the ER doc told me it was broken, I literally had puke in my throat. And when he said no running for 8 weeks I lost my shit.
“What the hell are you talking about? Do you know who I am and what I do? I can’t do that and I won’t! And screw you and your stupid story of how you are a runner and you know what it’s like to not run because of an injury. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! This is about me and right now ummm kay.”
I didn’t really say that out loud, but I did say it in my head. With so many more colorful words that my mom would slap me for saying. After the no running part and my rant in my head, I basically went into shock. The rest of that night I tried my best to laugh at the stupidity of the whole situation and make lemons out of lemonade. I mean come on, a knee scooter has to have an upside right?
They say there are 5 stages of acceptance – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. By the next morning I had blasted through the first 3 and was hit head on with the depression. The shock had worn off, I was feeling pretty low and all I can say is God Bless my husband. Luke asked me to go for a walk (he walked, I scooted) with him and and Josie (one of our dogs). For anyone who knows Luke knows that he isn’t the biggest fan of exercise, so my heart grew 3 sizes when he offered to go for a stroll. When we got back home I was beyond frustrated. On our walk I saw runners everywhere, showering was a 40 minute ordeal, I couldn’t do much without help and the reality of what was happening hit me like a freight train. I completely broke down into a sloppy, snotty, can’t-catch-my-breath, ugly cry. And in the middle of all of this a good friend texted me to ask how I was feeling. I told her that I didn’t think I could do this, but I don’t have a choice. That I felt like a burden and that working out and running is who I am. And her response to me was “Oh honey. You are a child of God and so much more than working out. This is an opportunity to work through all of that bullshit. You are worth being taken care of. And you do have a choice. You don’t have to do this at all, but you will and it doesn’t have to be a fight. Use this gift as a teacher and learn from it.” And THAT right there made me decide that it was time to put on my big girl panties and rock the sit out of this situation!
Monday I had an appointment at Twin Cities Ortho to get a better idea of what was going on with my foot and since I kind of pride myself of being an athlete, I wanted a Sports Med Doc to guide me through this process. I met with Dr Holmes and he was incredible. The ER doc never showed me my X-Rays, scared me a lot and made it sound like if I put any weight on my foot in the next 8 weeks the world as we knew it would be over. Dr Holmes was very encouraging and gave me lots of hope. I knew that I would have to bow out of the Hot Chocolate 15K mid-April, but he said there would be a good chance that I would still be able to do Grandma’s Half in June. He decided to put me in a boot so I could be more mobile (yay) and workout on a bike or elliptical (woo-hoo)!!!!!!!! AND since leggings are the only comfy thing to wear under a boot, I now have an excuse to not wear anything but (woo-freaking-hoo)!
Suck It Up Buttercup
I am 110% in the acceptance stage and I am ok with that. Over the past few months I have contemplated cutting back on working out and being kinder to my body. Every week I plan on implementing it and every week I pushed harder and harder. This injury was God’s way of taking the bull by the horns and making me take time off and be nicer to my body. Do I like it? No. But God has a plan and I was resisting it every step of the way. He is taking my hand and asking me to follow, so I will.
The next couple of weeks are going to be hard and there will be lots of ups and down, but I WILL DO THIS and I WILL do it to the best of my ability. I can sit on my ass, throw epic pitty parties for my self every day and be a mega bitch to everyone who crosses my path OR I can see the blessing in this and come back stronger. I do have a choice.
With all of that being said, I got my Positive Polly vibe back and I have made some goals:
Be running by the Veteran’s Memorial Day Race that my whole family participates in every year
Put on some muscle muscle mass
Work on finishing my nutrition certification
Blog the whole process and share my story.